Match Report
Bute FC 4 - 0 South Street Spartans


The sun was shining on a cold autumn morning. Scratch that, it was just Lochlan's hair.

This morning was truly an example of survival of the fittest. Only the strongest remained, leaving out fallen comrades to tend to their wounds. Our injury list has been compared to that of Arsenal in February, but we do not crumble.
We lined up against 9 players, but despite this their ego's barely managed to fit on the pitch.


We teased them for 15 minutes, showing the carrot to their horse like faces before turning them round and giving them the stick.
After some sharp interplay Carlo found himself 12 yards from goal, one on one with the keeper, the goal at his mercy. He looked up and saw both Kieran and Michael to his left. He slid the ball across towards the roaming LB's feet (Kieran), stranding the goalkeeper. All Kieran had to do was make contact. He didn't. And so a miss of the season contender was born.

Then came the stick. Lochlan, picked up the ball of the left side of the pitch 35 yards from goal. His mane glistened behind him, his touch was superb, his strike sublime. The ball flew from his foot, curling, floating. It nestled in the top right corner, hitting side netting. The keeper left in awe. Imagine this from 10 yards further out: The celebration was humble, he let the score do the talking. A better goal I have not seen this season.

We decided not to inflict further pain on an opposition of 9. We waited. Their reinforcements arrive, "The cavalry's here! They brought my hairspray" they shouted. So we scored again.
A powerful run from Michael into the right side of the box was matched with an unselfish cut back to a late Frank Lampard-esque run from Carlo. The result was a savage strike from little more than 10 yards, leaving the keeper rooted and shocked in its wake. Easy.


The half time whistle blew, pausing the onslaught. Spartans regrouped, revitalised, told each other how pretty they looked.
We threw their hairbands to the ground and trampled on them. We spat on their Gucci boots and ripped their rugby shirts from their primadonna torsos (all metaphorically of course, referees love us).


The Bute FC philosophy remains strong, we start from the back. By which I mean two long, penetrating goal kicks were the creative spark needed in the second half. They deceived and flew over their entire teams heads, setting free Kieran both times. The rebound of the first being cleaned up by a tidy Carlo Ross tap in, and the second being clinically placed into the side netting by Kieran.
Jason nearly further added to the oppositions embarrassment with minutes remaining. He silently glided past their team, ghosting past the offside trap to find himself with the ball at his feet and an opportunity on goal. He struck the ball with everything he had and was unlucky not to score his maiden goal for Bute FC with the ball ricocheting off the post back into the goalkeepers hands. Another day, with another haircut and we may see a goal.
Here ends the report of another mighty victory. We leave lions.


Goals: Lochlan, Carlo (2), Kieran


Man of the Match: Carlo - hard to argue with two goals, but it was also a very accomplished performance throughout the game. Shout out to Deveshfor playing his first 90 minutes and keeping a clean sheet.


Dick of the Day: Jonathan and Paul (our Galsgow rangers) for visiting Mummy and Daddy for the 65th time this semester.